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We defeat ourselves mentally all the time. Most of us have our own
selves beaten before we ever undertake a new project or utter a
slightly uncomfortable word. We are convinced that our boss will
never give us a raise, so it's better not to ask in the first place.
We are convinced that the little bistro we've dreamt about since
University would never earn us a living, and so it gets shelves
in the mental closet somehwere between upaid taxes from 1985 and
unacknowledged birthday gifts from your sister.
The phrase "think positive" has become tired and overused. It's not
specific enough. Some of us tend to forget what 'positive' is, if
we ever knew. Is thinking positive expecting to reach that green
light before it changes, or realising that it doesn't actually
matter whether you hit the red or the green light? And how are you
supposed to 'think positive' when you've been trained to expect the
worst...too many failed diets, too many broken hearts, too much
loneliness?
One of the simplest ways to tackle feelings of
defeat is to start with the body and work inwards and upwards
towards the soul. Exercise On this premise, I heartily recommend Yoga,
Tai-Chi and/or Chi-Gung for anyone facing a challenge and unsure how
to approach it.
What's that you say? No time for exercise...I'm too busy worrying
about my failures to stretch my aching body! Hey then! Here's the
"think positive" that wil help you overcome that barrier. You
must mentally accept and believe that a half hour of exercise
gives you more energy than a half hour of sleep. And I say
this as a mother of a 16-month-old baby who only now is beginning to sleep
through the night...sometimes. Sleep allows your body to go into
parasympathetic nervous mode and is very, very important. But
gentle exercise also switches on the parasympathetic nervous system,
while stimulating thyroid function, increasing seratonin levels in
the brain and ridding the body of toxins via the sweat. Because
yes, even Yoga makes you sweat!
As a bodyworker, I see defeat in the physical realm of a person.
Shoulders slumped and forward, shallow chest breathing, downcast
eyes, listlessness. Exercise helps counteract this defeated
posture, reviving you and helping you to tackle new obstacles. (or
even smelly old obstacles, if that's what you need to tackle!)
Here's another little tip to help get you in the right frame of
mind. Encourage yourself. Stand in front of the
mirror and say whatever it is that you wish someone else would say
to you..."It's allright, everything's OK", or "Don't worry, you'll
find a way" or "You can do it!" or whatever other affirmation comes
to mind. Please don't be put off by the ridiculousness of talking
to yourself in the mirror and forget all about Phil Smiley from
Saturday Night Live. Affirmations work because they engender
positive thoughts. Positive thoughts help to manifest positive
deeds and positive deeds buoy you, your life, your loved ones and
the world around you with their good energy. And it's as simple as
that.
And if you really need to told this again, make love to your
partner. Apologies to those who are not in a long-term
realtionship. But for those of us who are, we know that sex comes a
looooong way down the list of things to do. We're too busy
balancing our chequebook or online shopping for a new digital camera
(here are the negative thoughts: I always overspend! My last
camera was a piece of crap!) and then we go to bed and think "I'm
not interested, I'm too tired, I'm not desirable, I don't fancy him/her
like I used to" and on and on and on. Stop thinking like that!
Don't wait for your partner to ask! Just say "do you want to make
love?" and then do it. It's not like falling into bed drunk and
impassioned, I'll give you that. But making love helps you feel
better about your Self, helps you love your partner more and hence
your family becomes calmer and more stable. Positive feelings about
your own Self are exactly what you need to make *everything* seem
more do-able.
I am as guilty of
negativity as anyone is, or perhaps even guiltier. I have beaten deep
depression, suicidal thoughts, self-imposed failures, the lot. But
through help in the form of a wonderful acupuncturist named Cheryll
Davies, a kernel of belief in myself, the wonderful art of Yoga and
many years of dedication, I have trained my mind to
remember that there is always the possibility that things might just
work out right. And you know what? Mostly, they do. I had myself
convinced that I could never get
started again as a masseur in Spain. Too much childcare! Too much
competition from the CEAM down the road! Can't speak the language
well enough etc etc. And yet, here I am working, helping people,
enjoying myself and hopefully bringing a big more joy into this world.